bdsmgallery:

The Collar of Consideration is an important step in the evolution of a D/s dynamic, yet it is a step that I see completely bypassed all too often these days. Couples seem in such a rush to Give/receive the permanent Collar, that they forget that the Permanent Collar is something that should be earned. It should be something that the submissive strives for, and the Dominant should not offer it until he/she is 100% sure that the submissive is ready, willing and able to give themselves fully to the Dominant.

So what exactly is the Collar of Consideration?

The Collar of Consideration can be compared to the engagement ring in a Vanilla relationship. In the ‘Old Guard’ of BDSM, it was usually Blue in color and instantly recognizable by anyone within the D/s community. 

The Collar was not seen as a permanent commitment, but rather a notice of intent by the Dominant that they were interested in perusing a deeper more intimate relationship with the submissive. It is a period where both the Dominant and the submissive learn about each other, build a strong foundation, and working their way towards a long lasting and permanent bond. This Collar signals to All other Dominants that the submissive is now ‘Not approachable’ in the sense of perusing him/her. the submissive should also be aware that although they are not yet Owned by the Dominant, this is the time where they should be learning what the Dominant expects in regards to rules, the kneel, behaviors, dress codes, physical contact with other Dominants/Tops etc… (Many Dominants have certain rules that any other Dominant/Top may not hug, kiss the submissive without his/her express consent). Some go even further than this, and the submissive must decide if these new rules are something that they feel comfortable agreeing to. If not, then you should discuss it and see if a compromise can be reached. If not then it is likely that the Dynamic will be ended.

The Collar of Consideration, though not a permanent commitment, Is a commitment non the less, and should be carefully considered first before  accepting. Just like an engagement, either party can decide at any time that the relationship is not meeting their needs or just not what they are looking for, and end things without the need to ask for release or any guilt on either side of the kneel.

the period of Consideration can be predefined by both Dominant and submissive or it can be just taken one day at a time. It allows both in the dynamic the time to grow together, time for them to learn each others wants/needs and of course sexual kinks. This is the period of negotiation.

Once both the Dominant & submissive have reached the point that they are both sure that they are ready to move forward and make things more permanent, then the Dominant will decide on when to offer the permanent collar. But let me be clear on this… It is the Dominants place to offer the Permanent Collar, and the submissive should not be asking for it, begging for it, or using emotional tactics to try and force the Dominants hand (Topping from the bottom). The permanent Collar is the property of the Dominant throughout the duration of the dynamic. Should the dynamic end for ANY reason, the Collar should be returned to the Dominant immediately!

The Permanent Collar is compared to the Wedding ring, but many hold it in much higher regard. It is sacrosanct, and the symbol of a deep, emotional, physical & spiritual connection between Dominant and submissive. It should NEVER be taken off without the express permission of the Dominant, and only by the Dominant. There are usually special exceptions to this rule, such as in medical emergencies, when going through metal detectors in airports etc.. (If the Collar has any metal on it of course). The Permanent Collar does not always look like what you would expect it to. it can be an item of jewelery such as a necklace, bracelet, anklet etc… And many Submissives are bought a selection of Collars to suit different situations. The Collar should NEVER be touched by ANYONEother than The Dominant and the submissive wearing it. Mostly everyone in the D/s lifestyle know this without it being spoken. It is a huge sign of disrespect for anyone to try to touch it. So you need to be ready to explain this to your friends and family in a way that would be acceptable to their vanilla ears. 

Now, going back to the Collar of Consideration… It is a very important step for both the Dominant and submissive, so please do use it. The one thing that nobody wants to see is you jumping in by giving a submissive a Permanent Collar within a month of meeting and then the Dynamic ending just as fast, before moving on and Giving/accepting a Collar from someone else in quick time. These people become known in the community as 'Velcro’ Collars. and they are not respected or taken seriously. So take your time, use the Collar of Consideration, and be 100% sure before moving towards the Permanent Collar.

Thank you A/ll for reading.

Father Mark.

bdsmgallery:

Dominance & submission to me, is something that rules my existence. It is all consuming, and all demanding. It gives me no time, nor any wiggle room for games. It is like fighting a Demon 24/7 hours a day 365 days a year. Yes, fighting the Demon, and struggling against everyone & everything that may be in front of you, does have it beautiful rewards. In this reality, Dominants can be some of the most masochistic people you will ever meet.

This feeling of constant burden can be so overwhelming at times, that I question my own strength, my own resolve, my own ability, to keep fighting this never ending battle against Demons that need no sleep, and are waiting for me the moment I take my eyes of the ball. The moment I loose sight of the big picture, or begin to think I have them beaten. They will be there waiting.

Do not think for one second that a Dominant cannot or does not have moments of doubt. I need these moments in my journey. They are what give me the ability to re-focus myself on who I am, and why I keep fighting Demons that never sleep. They are the moments I look at what I have achieved & and what I will continue to achieve, in my D/s relationships.

My D/s is centered on long lasting, deep emotional bonds with my submissive’. They are my reward for this never ending battle. This battle that wears me down to the point of exhaustion at times. They are my Goddesses! They are my eyes into the sacred feminine. They are eyes that reflect every flaw & strength in my character, every weakness & ability in my resolve, and every single, measurable amount of love I have for both them, and myself. I cannot hide from their truths, nor do I seek to.

The balance that my D/s brings to my life is something that I can’t explain in just words. It’s a force of nature! I only know that it’s something that completes me.

D/s, without this emotional bond, has no meaning to me. It is an empty shell. I cherish my submissive’ with all my heart & soul, and I would give my life without hesitation for either of them. I would suffer all the agonies the world has in mind for them, just to see them smile.

I know that my D/s is not everyone’s D/s. But I would ask this of anyone seeking out a D/s relationship…. Please understand that whether you are anticipating them or not, feelings/emotions, will creep into your D/s over time. I see it as an inevitability we must all face. It will have effects on everyone in your circle. It will impact you in ways you maybe can’t see at this moment, and if you rush it, it can destroy you. It can destroy everyone around you, and it can destroy your own reputation. Of course we all make mistakes. That is part of this journey. It is how we shine in our moments of doubt, or moments that test us to the core, that will define us.

To my girls… I love you both very much. I am forever your humble Dominant.

(via bdsmgallery)

dominantlife:

bdsmgallery:

I hear of many D/s dynamics breaking down because the Dom doesn’t recognize the times when its more important to just be a man to their woman, instead of always being in the Dominant state. Of course this depends on the sub, but I still feel that being a man and showing your woman the emotions you feel for her are of uppermost importance.

Does this make you less of a Dom to allow yourself to kneel beside your sub when she needs you to be on the floor with her? Of course it doesn’t! It shows your strength and love. It comforts your sub to know that you are feeling what she is feeling. It gives her peace of mind to feel your strong masculine body wrapped in hers and reassuring her that you will not leave her side. To put aside the titles of Sir or Master, to just be yourself with your beloved woman. Titles can become so cold and overused that sometimes it’s more intimate and loving to just enjoy those little cute names you use for each other… It encourages affection and in turn deepens the bond of the dynamic.

You will all have heard of the prayer ‘Footprints in the sand’ im sure.. And this prayer is how i invision myself carrying my woman through her hard days. Two sets of footprints become one, not because I have left her side, but because I am carrying her and her bourdons. Never letting her fall. Yes this sounds very much like a Dom trait, but with the protocol and titles stripped bare. You are simply being the best man you can be for the woman you love.

Recognize those times in her voice that she just needs YOU. Not your Dominance. Allow yourself to weep with her. Feel her pain!

Of course it is not always easy to tell if she needs the Dom or the man, and can only develop over time with lots of talking and the development of trust. A good Dom will trust in his instincts and see the subtle changes in her voice or body language.

Know the difference between the Dom and the man in you. Seek it out and never be afraid to let her see it. Being the Dom 24/7 and giving out tasks, dealing with corrective behaviour, talking to her like a teacher etc, can very quickly become overwhelming if you never just allow yourself to BE HER MAN.

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more articles in the Library For Kinksters.

bdsmgallery:

I have seen a couple of posts over the last few days that have concerned me. One was regarding little’s and age regression, and the other was about whether a little by nature, is submissive.

Let me start by addressing the age regression issue… This was a subject that was getting a lot of attention a while ago when a certain Tumblr ‘Daddy Dom’ (and I use that term loosely) suggested that ALL little’s must age regress in order to be a little. Hmmmm How many ways can I say “wrong”. Age regression does happen in some little’s, yes. But it is certainly not a prerequisite to classifying oneself as a little. In fact, in my experience i would suggest that only a small percentage of those that identify as a little actually regress.

So what is the difference between being a little that age regresses and a little that does not?

A little that age regresses, does so through ‘Triggers’ These triggers can be both positive and negative. Sometimes, with practice, a little can also  induce age regression by immersing themselves in the ‘little’ mindset. inducing a younger age that they feel comfortable interacting with/in. The triggers that cause age regression could be something as simple as being chastised by another, or a feeling of complete safety and acceptance in a given situation. The regression can occur very quickly, but usually takes more time to return from ‘little space’.

Now, here W/we must make the distinction between a hypnotically induced age regression that psychologists use to help uncover traumatic events in a persons life, and the age regression W/we talk about in little’s. In a hypnotically induced regression, the person actually fully believes that they are back at a certain age. They are in a highly suggestive state of mind that allows the psychologist to trick the persons mind into that belief. Regression in a little is different in the sense that the little is fully aware that they are not actually still 5 years old, for example. They are simply allowing themselves to slip back into a child like state of mind, fully immersing themselves in child like activities such as drawing cute pictures, coloring in, watching cartoons, adopting a child like voice etc.. This DOES NOT make the little space experience any less valid than true psychological regression through hypnosis, it is just a different kind of regression. Yes little space is a powerful experience that can make the little almost fool themselves into believing they are still a child, but the conscious mind ensures that the little still has an adult awareness. 

Here is an example of what I mean:  A little is in their little space and fully immersed in child like activities, then someone calls them from work about an important issue. Does the little continue to act little, even though they may be talking to their boss about an important work related issue? No of course not. Their conscious mind would instantly snap them back into the adult mindset required to function in an adult world.

On the other hand… If a person was in a state of hypnotically induced age regression, and was told to answer the phone, they would most certainly continue to talk and act like the age they had been regressed to, and probably freak their boss out and lose their job.

Ok, so now let us examine little’s that DO NOT age regress. These are usually the types of little’s that have always retained child like qualities in their adult every day life. They do not need triggers to quickly slip out of an adult mindset and begin acting with a child like wonder. Instead, they will think nothing of turning the television over to the cartoon network in front of family & friends, or acting all cutesy, or bratty, or pull out a coloring book in front of their own kids and giggle as they fight for a certain color crayon. I have seen so many women that act this way but know nothing of the ‘little’ lifestyle. It is simply down to how YOU define yourself.

So, I may add to this part of the post if needed but for now, let’s move onto the subject of whether a little is submissive by nature.

This to me is really a very simple answer…. NO. There are many that identify as being ‘little’, but do not have a submissive bone in their body. You get in some little’s face’ or aggravate them, and you best start running, because they will not only not go all shy and submit to you, but they will most probably scratch your eyes out for daring to assume something about them. The little mindset at it’s core, has nothing at all to do with D/s, and many are not involved in D/s in any way.

When it comes to little’s and D/s, there can be no assumptions. A little can be submissive, Dominant, or a switch. I have been waiting forever for someone to start using the term Little Dom or something similar lol. But just because W/we do not hear it, does not mean that there isn’t Little Dom’s out there. Because like I always say, there is no right or wrong way to practice D/s, or any rules on how one should define themselves. As long as it being done with Consent, then who are W/we to tell anyone that they are not part of the lifestyle.

Again, I may add more to this section of the post at a future time, but for now I am going to finish, and ask that you all consider what I have written here and of course give me your own opinions. And if Y/you do not agree with this post, please do not just reply to it with something stupid like ‘Bullshit post’ etc.. Be constructive and try to tell me as best you can what your own opinions are.. I am NOT the all knowing Dominant and I am also open to learning from others points of view.

For now, Thank Y/you for reading my words & thoughts.